Dear Jesus, 

Life has been extremly hard latley. My health has been up and down. The doctors tell me to hang in there but that's what they say every single time. How long am I going to have to 'hang in there'? Until you come back? If that is the case please come back soon. 

Please make me perfect when you come back for me. 

Make me in  your image new again.

"Write your story on my heart Jesus!"

"When I was in High School life was  confusing. All I had thought was that Jesus had made me wrong. THEN I got saved. This is my story."

When I was in High School Jesus, things were even more confusing. I thought that you had made me all wrong. I couldn't grasp why a loving Jesus would allow me to have dystonia. I couldn't find you. I didn't see you. I'm glad that you saw me. I'm glad that you worked in my life through others. 

I'm glad you brought me friends when I thought my life was so unmeanful. 

Here I am today. Seven years later I still love you. You grabbed me from a dangerous place and made me whole again. You loved me from the start when I didn't love you from the start. You never gave up on me.

Please know that my 20's have been hard. 20's are so confusing as is. Looking for a future husband, wanting kids, a family to call your own. However, I am in this spot where I'm not so sure where you want me. You've always made a way. You never let me down. 

You have taught me what life truly means to be dependent upon you. See, I have nothing else to depend on. Nothing else to satisfy my thrist. Not even a cure would satisfy me the way you can. Know that this is my hope for a cure is big.  

I know that you care about the little things. You even care about what color of drink I like. You've showed me your love through others. Like my beautiful boss. 

You care about the simple things in my life.

I know. 

Jesus you promised that you would never leave me nor for sake me. You promised that you'd fight this fight with me. Please don't ever leave me. It's scary. It's hard and I know that you know this. I know that you feel my hurt. I know that you have a puropse. A plan. Though your plan feels like forever. I'll keep holding onto you. I hope that you return soon for I'm emotionally and physically getting drained. Drained that no one has the right answer. Drained that I'm living in a world that doesn't understand me like you do. A world that is broken. A lost and dying world who needs you.

I can honestly say that the cross wouldn't mean much to me without taking me on this journey. So for that I am grateful to you. For it's at the cross where you loved me so that your hands and feet where nailed to that wooden cross. That beautiful cross where the only person I can call on day or night hung there loving me. Dying for me. For my sins. For the world. 

Oh how you love me...

You have given me a love for others through this journey. A love that I otherwise would have never had. 

A Love that only comes from you, Jesus. 

You've blessed me with some amazing teachers who loved me before I was saved and loved me after. 

You allowed their love for me to shine. Shine through the dark days. Shine through the really really hard days with dystonia. The days that I thought were impossible. You have showed me that nothing is impossible with you, or your love. 

You allowed Mrs.Everhart into my life to help me through school. Most importantly you allowed her to love me. Love me with dystonia. Love me through the not so happy days with hospitals, test, doctors appointments. You allowed somebody to help me. To fight along side with me. Even years later after I have graduated.

You have given me so much. 

Jesus as I end this letter to you. Please know I love you. I do. Please know that I am struggling. I'm human. Please help write my story on your heart. Help me continue on for you. Help me trust you more. Help me be a witness to everyone I met. Jesus help others to see your love through me. While dystonia is a great struggle and speech therapy, hosptial visits, doctor appointments, new medicine, and some really bad days happen please let me lead on you to guide me through. 

Jesus, Please don't leave me. 

Keep loving me.

Keep writing your story on my heart.

I love you. Forever and always. 

Until I met you in person one day,

Your child

Chelsi